I am sorry that I learned this so late with my mother as she sunk into dementia. I wish I’d seen earlier that it was better to just be with her wherever she was than to try to drag her into “reality”.
But in a marriage I wonder about the impact of not trying to achieve a common understanding or recollection on some things. Could it diminish the relationship or undermine respect if it’s too frequent?
Re marriage, in the examples that come to mind, I don't think there is any danger one way or the other. The "righting" each other is an acceptable means of communication. But I honestly don't think it matters if you were right when you said "you need a hat today" or if you were right about when you went to that portuguese restaurant vs the other one...
I think we're programmed to be right, even about the trivial. If it works for the couple, then it works.
Yes, I agree. I grew up with parents who did a lot of who-was-right communicating, and it was frequently unpleasant.
But I think it can also become a problem if one spouse doesn’t engage because they think it’s pointless, i.e., “he’s always wrong why bother.” That seems different than occasional pragmatic maintenance of harmony and a reasonable dose of self-doubt.
I can't even stand how RIGHT this post is. So many truths & the piece about your mother slays me. I spent way too much time correcting my dad before he died - it was my way of resisting his mental decline. Thank you for being so Linda & sharing your gifts & insight with the world.
I am sorry that I learned this so late with my mother as she sunk into dementia. I wish I’d seen earlier that it was better to just be with her wherever she was than to try to drag her into “reality”.
But in a marriage I wonder about the impact of not trying to achieve a common understanding or recollection on some things. Could it diminish the relationship or undermine respect if it’s too frequent?
Perhaps "reality" is over-rated.
Re marriage, in the examples that come to mind, I don't think there is any danger one way or the other. The "righting" each other is an acceptable means of communication. But I honestly don't think it matters if you were right when you said "you need a hat today" or if you were right about when you went to that portuguese restaurant vs the other one...
I think we're programmed to be right, even about the trivial. If it works for the couple, then it works.
Yes, I agree. I grew up with parents who did a lot of who-was-right communicating, and it was frequently unpleasant.
But I think it can also become a problem if one spouse doesn’t engage because they think it’s pointless, i.e., “he’s always wrong why bother.” That seems different than occasional pragmatic maintenance of harmony and a reasonable dose of self-doubt.
Totally agree.👍🏻
I can't even stand how RIGHT this post is. So many truths & the piece about your mother slays me. I spent way too much time correcting my dad before he died - it was my way of resisting his mental decline. Thank you for being so Linda & sharing your gifts & insight with the world.